Parenting....

Thinking what i have to do with parenting...its not me but i felt its a new experience to anyone who is having a child and I wanted to show how much my parents meant to me!!

Just the other day when I was leaving with Shankar my cousin for ANNIYAN a Tamil movie Shankar asked me " Where did you get the money for the tickets". The ticket for anniyan was costly(Rs.125 for one) than normal and for Shankar it was new to spend so much. He is doing his first year engineering at a private college. At his house, i.e. at my uncles they spend money like water in Chennai. He is not allowed to see movies usually. With both parents working and loans to be paid they have made their children realize the importance of spending money. So when Shankar asked me the question it didn’t surprise me but I was happy he asked me. His parents want him to do well in life and they have instilled the values they believe would take him to places.

For long time I have been thinking what is so different in the middle class families and the values attached to them. I can be proud of so many things that my parents did to me and my brother. We would have been totally different from what we are if weren’t from a middle class family. My parents valued giving us good education and they really believed good education was the only way for climbing up the economic ladder. The parents from middle class I believe have dreams for their children, those dreams they couldn’t realize in their life.
I don’t remember a single parents teachers meet not attended by my Appa(father). He made a point to be there when my results for my SSLC(X std) and my HSC (XII std) came out. I was surprised on both the occasions as I left for the school for seeing the results, he came following me to school without giving me any added pressure of his anxiety over my results !!! I have always found my father as someone to be followed for things he believed. His dedication amazed me when it came to help people. He would go out of his way helping out people. I have seen on so many occasions like working for the All India union for engineering technicians at Indian airlines, or for welfare societies for Ex servicemen. Among his friends he would be someone to be consulted on important decisions and disputes. He valued his friends. After a certain age he treated my brother and me as equals. All he would do is suggest things but never would interfere. When I was a kid he maintained a strict image of his but he was as sweet as anyone could be.

My Amma(mother) was different but she stood for what she believed. One thing that really amazed me was when my father was suffering from cancer and counting his last days. I never believed Amma was so strong to digest what was happening to Appa. She was mature in handling the situation. I can remember a lot of instances when she would correct me for those things that she thought was wrong. I remember once when I was about 10 she has asked me to buy some beetle leaf for some guest at home. The shopkeeper gave me just 4 leaves for 25 paisa. And I brought them home after eating the stalk of the leaves. I gave Amma those leaves and she couldn’t control her temper. She wasn’t angry because I ate those beetle leaves stalks but that I was ignorant of how much those 25 paisa was worthy of. So she took me to the shop and argued with the shopkeeper and got a dozen more leaves. She taught me to value each penny that day.

I did my primary schooling at Kendriya Vidyalaya Meenambackkam. The school fees then was a meager Rs 5/- per month compared to a few thousand today. We had to pay our fees every three months and I lost Rs 15, the fees for three months once. I came back home fearing the scolding from amma and appa. Nothing of that sort happened. All that they did was to make me realize was what I did was of carelessness and made sure I wouldn’t do it again.
In those days while my brother and I were at school there were very few occasions when all four of us(me, my brother amma and appa) would go out. Unlike nowadays when families have a weekly outing we would go out to shop for either pongal or diwali. And on every single outing we would see our parents arguing. It is just like a project manager and the financial controller arguing over a project. The former being my Appa and the latter my Amma.
I still argue with my amma like my father would do when she goes to buy some vegetables. She would be happy to leave the shop only when she is given those free coriander and curry leaves. ha ha ha !! she still does !

Times have really changed. You can hardly find a school student without a cell phone. Even a couple of years ago when I was at college their were just one or two cell phones in my whole batch of 500 students. There are more families in India which would be in the upper middle class segment with both parents working in the booming IT industry. Children are even given credit cards for their expense. But even with all these I think the school children now aren’t as independent as we were. They leave their home to board a school bus that takes them to school and back. I remember those days when I would take the train to school. The rush hours when each of the bogie would be full, the train strikes, a ticket collector in the platform with a invalid ticket in hand were situations I had to handle when I was just entering my teens.

A few days back my friend from school who had a very early marriage called me. He told me his wife delivered a baby girl and he needs to name her starting with A,C or L. I wanted to help and did my bit in searching the internet for good meaningful names. I was so amazed to see so many websites which would give all kinds of names – mythological names, names of god and goddesses, names in Sanskrit with their meaning, Hindu names, Muslim names and what not. Parenting starts from the day the child is born. Naming a child becomes so important as it sets the identity of the child for rest of the life.

My amma even now when I am 24 doesn’t take anything granted for me. She does her bit in everything concerned with me. Be it choosing cloths for me, the food I eat or things I want to do in life. She is concerned even if I skip a glass of milk. Some times I tell her to leave it to me to look after myself but I know she never can ignore anything that I to do with her children.

I now know Parenting is not easy at all. Children at any age are a challenge to handle !! aren’t they- babies are a challenge, you never know what they want from you. A small kid is a difficult child because he wants everything that he sees. A teen can really get very inquisitive and pose the most difficult questions. A adolescent child and a young adult are difficult as well.

Parenting is a responsibility, a challenge which starts with the child’s birth and can never end.

My Anna (brother) and Anni ( bhabhi-sister in law) would be soon parents. Good luck to them.
Parenting ! Phew!

lessons from 4 years of engineering

I think there were some important phases in college that brought all the important changes in my attitude.

I really liked the culture in REC Trichy and especially ECE. The college would offer with a lot of opportunities when one could interact with a lot of people. One would get to know a lot of seniors and juniors of the branch. Once you get to the final year you would have people from two junior batch asking you advice, something you would be ready to give free of cost. A lot of people would open up in the last two years of graduation. You would never know with the first look that you could be in touch with them for the years to come. Touring other colleges with the Cricket and volleyball teams for different matches and with the music troupe would give me additional time and opportunity to know different people.

I remember the first few weeks in college. Some of my batch mates would do complex integration without pen and paper; some would talk their way to glory about their national level prizes and accolades. There were some who would know alteast half a dozen languages and one in my neighboring room started his Mirudangam class when he was 3 years old. I did try my hand with violin but discontinued. I attended competitions but not of the magnitude I could really boast about. There were people who were so talented but just simple as they can get. There was one who had is admission in Princeton University after his SAT examination. I was so ignorant that I didn’t even know there was an exam called SAT. There was also a son of a CEO of a big company in our batch. . I found myself suddenly in this different league of people. I was from the school where without much competition I was in the top three of the class. Suddenly I was with people who would be state toppers.

I just managed to be with all these amazing people and started to see a different perspective of life altogether. Those were the days when I would ponder upon how to stay in the crowd and be noticed. The good thing in me was I never saw myself lost in this talented crowd even if that meant not being noticed..
I enjoyed life but I did complain. Not being noticed did make me crib at times. I wrote a letter to my brother. I showed my frustration –I asked him why he couldn`t guide me? Why he didn’t see me admitted in a better school so that I would have exposed to a lot more things than just books? –Just an act of desperation that I couldn`t do that someone else would do.
One way I realized to keep myself out this desperation was keeping myself busy in things that I enjoyed the most. I did what I knew best. Played cricket, made friends and did a bit of 11th hour study. I enjoyed life.

After that letter to my brother, sometime later I realized that there were others who even didn’t have all that I had during my schooling. I have to mention here about one such guy who came from a Tamil medium school. His younger brother worked as a tailor in Chennai while he came for his higher graduation. From the first day in college he would never be shy to try talking in Hindi and English, even if it was wrong. People appreciated his efforts and he grew in confidence. There were others who had the fire in their belly to do well even if they were less talented. Important difference between me and them was that they were hardworking !!!
I think noticing all these real people and their goodness have made me a different person. There are a lot of people from college I admire for different reason. A lot are my thick friends now. Really people are assets as they rightly call and I have been blessed to find a quiet a lot of good people.

I don’t know what I learnt from the engineering classes. But the difference has been the people I met. I difference has been staying away from home and parents. The difference has been realizing different emotions and relationships in the 4 years. I would certainly recommend someone to have hostel life as a student. It’s just a wonderful, enjoyable learning experience.

I think in the next blog I have to mention different things I enjoyed doing- a little about things I did with my department, the college cricket and volleyball team and the music troupe.

Am I a engineer now?

It was during my holidays after my Matriculation examination at my Uncles house in Pollachi. Me and priya, my cousin were talking about what we ought to do after 10th. We both had written our exams and were relieved for the next two and half months.
My brother was already a engineer and had left for his MS that year. Priya`s brother was preparing to become one. We were left with limited choice from our parents- to become a engineer or a doctor. Thank god there was not a charted accountant in the family.

I said " I have done really well in Biology,might even score the full marks. I would become a doctor" . Those were the times when Imran Khan was famous for opening his cancer institute in Pakistan. He was not my idol but..... I had heard so much of this killer disease that I wanted to be a doctor ......a cancer specialist. I had heard from mother that Thatha(my grandfather) had died of cancer. My mother still does`nt know if it was cancer. Then there were no scanning machine or other techniques to diagonise cancer.

This was in 1996-summer holidays. I was thinking of being a cancer specialist. Little did i then know that I would see the disease consume my father`s healthy body after few years.

After doing all the thinking and boosted by a really awesome score in my matriculation examination I took Maths,physics,chemistry and Biology. I choose Biology for my big dream and maths for my brother. Moreover people said it would give me more choice - incase i fail in one i would have another for backup. I was thinking of failure even before stepping into the course.

My brother had his dreams - of joining IIT, he really tried hard but did`nt make it. He made to a lot of other good institutes. He made me enroll with Brilliant tutorials which my father could`nt afford for my brother,unlucky raju !! My brother wanted Me to go to IIT atleast. Llittle did he know that i was`nt half as hardworking as he was.

I was going to the classes and writing tests till my 11th. Then other activities in school took over and Rs 4320/- spent on brilliant tutorials my IIT JEE coaching went in drain.
As I came close to the final practice tests I found that i couldn`t put those hours of hard work reading Biology. Not that i did n`t like the subject. Biology as a subject still fascinates me but I knew i was not made for becoming a doctor. The profession needs so much of hardwork and dedication like none other profession. Now i knew how important it was for me to choose both Biology and Maths. And for someone like me who has never been sure of what I did the choice was a really sensible thing to do.

I just started concentrating on the three subjects that would finally get me the admission into a good engineering college(REC Trichy). My brother was really surprised with the result. Even now three years after college he asks me how i managed those marks.

I was setting myself for a career in medicine and I landed in a engineering college. 4 years of REC was the best thing to happen. Not because I came out with flying colours studying engineering but the time spent I feel was the best I had. I think not only me but many in my batch would endorse those 4 years to be the best. I had really nice people all along those years in trichy.

all i am now is because of the 4 years of college and the experience that followed. so has engineering made me think differently ? difficult question to answer !!! I still don`t know if i was suited for engineering...being a 2002 passout still i can`t answer how good i am at engineering.
.... i am really searching for the career that I would love and cherish doing...

nature does conspire

A week ago Abisar gupta had come home...He is a freind from college days. We and few others in college would talk about different issues that bothered us. This time it was`nt different, we were talking of the recent developements in politics and politics in crickets on which a lot of people while away their time.

As we talked he came up with something he read " If you know your destiny, Nature will conspire you to your destiny "
...........the issue is does anyone know what his or her destiny is?

All that we do is work for a short term goal, reach it and then take up another travel to reach another goal. Most of the time it has been goals set by others. Like our parents in school setting goals( a admission in a engg or medical college) for us to reach, or in college to get placed in XYZ company because our senior told that was the best the engineering branch could offer.

Have we ever thought of making our destiny our destination ?

Actually we never know what our detiny or life objective is. Are these words little big to be even written about. Still in our twenties, most of us ridicule someone who talks of such things. To write something like this in my second day I felt shy.I thought whether I should ever write something like this. But there were more reasons for me to be shy. I have had a lot of these objectives in mind, things I had set to do in future. But have`nt done much to move forward towards those dreams. Should I, who has achieved far less than the targeted, talk about my life objective so that atleast there are people to question incase I even fail to try.

Anyone from my college would remember this quote" Dare to dream " . It was engraved in our computer centre. I have been doing this all my life-dreaming. No one ever said what should be the next step. How should i be giving form to my dreams ? I can now follow it up with another question from what Abhisar said. How does nature conspire to the destiny ?
Does nature teach us through experience of what to do and what not to do so that we reach our detiny? Yes Experience..... offering oppurtunities. Nature offers oppurtunities. Once we know our destiny we are certain to recongnise the oppurtunity we come across. And once we cash in on our oppurtunity we should be on the right course towards our destiny crossing milestones with the passing days.

One such oppurtunity I came across recently was getting associated with SUYAM. I strongly believe this one step should take me more a mile in coming days.

a trial run for today

i have had thoughts to tell people but only have been able to put it discreetly across to friends...
having seen so many people bloggin the space i thought i should also join the herd...
but being seen in the herd - i have`nt done that in my life so far.

I have one full month to spend before i join BIM. I still have not kept my promise with SUYAM the institution that i work for...got some work still pending for them.

all i hope is to read more, write more and work more.