Matrix reloaded, What about me???

AM I THE ONE? Keanu Reeves would definitely mind such a question. A blog inspired by the Trilogy ..that is all.

My good friend pointed out that there was something that was unusual for the past three- four days but I believed there was something wrong with me since my mid term got over.
Neither I have the answer what is wrong with me nor does my friend. I came to my room as confused as I was before.

“Matrix Reloaded” was on HBO; one good thing about not being in Chennai is that you get these channels without a problem.
I have always loved the one liner in the first part “The matrix”. I have seen my friends going crazy over the whole philosophy of the trilogy. The very first time I could appreciate the dialogues between the protagonist and his mentor (Neo and Morpheus).

There is one such dialogue sequence when both these characters meet for the first time.

Morpheus: I imagine that right now, you're feeling a bit like Alice. Hmm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole?
Neo: You could say that.
Morpheus: I see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, that's not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
Morpheus: I know *exactly* what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but its there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me

Every word that Morpheus utters seems to suit my state of mind this moment.
I am no Neo but I always have believed that we as individuals are in control of our lives. Some change in me? Yes …No… My friend doesn’t accept when I say I am a confused being now. All I am being told is that I am not my usual self. Guess this is the root of the problem now. I am not in the driver’s seat.

Now I shall leave what I am not and what I shall be after writing the blog to time, I'll better try to continue with the Wonderful dialogues of the movie. I was just telling the other day to one of my friend that what are being told in the film through these dialogues are real HR (philosophies and human psychology) concepts and more of them from the Indian context.

Indian philosophies in a Hollywood film?? For instance Matrix talks a lot about rebirth.

Oracle: OK, now I'm supposed to say, "Hmm, that's interesting, but..." then you say...
Neo: ..."but what?"
Oracle: But... you already know what I'm going to tell you.
Neo: I'm not The One.
Oracle: Sorry, kid. You got the gift, but it looks like you're waiting for something.
Neo: What?
Oracle: Your next life, maybe. Who knows? That's the way these things go.

There are a lot these favorites of mine. For example I like this one from Agent smith where he talks about Human race similar to Virus. Even the villain says the truth and he has philosophies. You know the Lanka king Ravana in Ramayan was said to be more learned and scholarly person than Ram.

Agent Smith: I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure.

We never live in harmony with the environment like other living beings, do we? And guess what we study Environmental management.

Read this one about life. Just can’t be really more precise than this one statement.

Neo: Why am I here?
The Architect: Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the matrix.

People can derive a lot of meaning. For people who haven’t seen the trilogy -Matrix is the unreal world. The matrix was programmed by the “Architect”. You can compare the programming of the matrix to the design of life. Though this is against my belief of being in control of ones life what I see in this one line is that there are external influences that affect the course of life. But we are just talking of the remainders; I feel the life is more than sum of these remainders, there are factors that are controlled by us that also matter.

Today in class as and when I was hearing some verbs and adjectives I was writing it down. With it I was pairing another word. The rule was simple for pairing, just make some sense, some relation between the words paired. Some of them were

Relationship- effort; Illusion-knowledge; Company- assets; belief-hope;

trade offs – Strong wins.

I really didn’t know that there were dialogues that conveyed the same meaning as I did with these pair of words. I was thinking of the word choice as a privilege of the haves. And went on to write this pair of words Trade offs – strong Wins. In the movie we have:

Merovingian: Choice is an illusion created between those with power and those without.

Hey I had written another pair of words that finds a dialogue in the film though not explicit.......
..The pair of words was Illusion-knowledge and the dialogue

Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

Before I conclude, why is it I dig deep into a lot of things?

I was saying today “I say Hi to a lot of people even though I really don’t mean saying it"

Why did I say that.... can I free my mind of thoughts... if that was possible I won’t be writing blogs. :)

To be continued for it has become too long a blog.

Avantika... needs help

It was a Sunday morning 6 O’clock. It was the Indian republic day but it was a insignificant day in the alien land. Her eyes just opened and she closed them tightly. Also the grip on her pillow tightened. She didn’t want to wake up. Last night she had a tough time getting sleep. She did sleep after 4 hours of struggle. She did everything possible – counting numbers from 1 to 1000, the alphabets in the reverse order, she would also tell her lower level maths multiplication tables to sleep. She really hated them then.

There has been very less occasions where Avantika had made a decision in haste. She in a lot of instances has believed that no decision is better than a bad decision. Indecisions have never made her feel so bad for the past 23 years of her life. For quite sometime say about a week Avantika has not been the person she is. She believed that she was living for someone else, not for herself. She was living for that someone, who would have not even made a difference in her life if asked couple of days back. Knowing this fact was not something that was comfortable to her.

She thought " she was not living, not even surviving but just existing"

She was contradicting herself. She was a strong believer that relationships are built over time. She valued her parents so much. While all these things happened she really missed her Appa – Amma.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Avantika was a bright student in her college and like anyone else wanted to really make it big in her career in medicine. After a lot of effort and pain of writing the sequence of exams she had her admissions in US. She left India on June 11th 2002. The whole Chennai airport was cordoned by policemen. A politician was coming back from US and there was an arrest warrant against him on account of the new legislation to curb terrorism. Political vendetta had caused Avantika from seeing her parents while she boarded the flight.

Avantika was a girl who was matured for her age. Though she could take things as they came she did feel bad of the change in plans. She had some silly but important things to be told to her parents, she had a gift for her Dad and Mom. But situation demanded her to leave for security check even as her heart felt she should stay for some more time with her parents.

She recorded what she thought in her diary during the long and tiring flight. It was a mixed feeling. One she felt responsible for herself more and felt really free. Second felt deprived of her strength that she saw in her parents. Air India offered a good Indian food but she was in no mood to eat. If it was some other occasion she would have emptied the food tray in minutes. It was an 18 hour travel.

Page in her diary that day read:

11 June 2002
Vaiko arrested. Does that matter? Yes. My foot.

I am leaving India. Does that matter? Yes. Yes yes it surely does. Flying is an expression of joy, not anymore – I would remember this flight of 18 hours every time I think of flying. A new alien land, whether it welcomes me or not shall be my new home. Family and friends who were there at every step of my life so far would be there for me just through sound signals. But these would be the signals giving me energy for the next two years.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

She had to get up because of a phone call from her friend. She was informed that she had to attend a session in her school on Chemical pathology. She thought there was no need for her to understand what the bodily fluids did to her body. Previously she thought that most of the feeling in human body is because of these bodily fluids.

"Every Human reaction is hormonal" she said.

She would always quote the dialogue from "Ayutha Ezhuthu" (Yuva) . The protagonist explains to his fiance about what makes a realtion between the man and the woman before the famous song of Adnan Sami.

She would always found a logic behind anything. She felt there was a reason behind every human behavior and that it was all physiological. Now she is being made to think the other way.
Now she thought there is something that can’t be explained by Man.

Her parents have always taught her jealousy was something that was really bad. But now she felt jealous for one particular reason. Every time she was jealous she told to herself not to. Her moral fiber always felt that being jealous is bad. But now she feels it is ok to be jealous.

Before she leaves for school she writes her diary, the only company from the time she came to the alien land.

The diary reads:

26 Jan 2003

Indian republic day today: 53 years India has been republic. What has it achieved?

100 Billion Population.
Reproduction at the rate of adding Australian population to the Indian Subcontinent.

It has one achievement to boast. Sending engineers and doctors to work for the US multinationals.

Hey, until this time I thought I would write only good things about India. I feel it is my state of mind that I am reflecting. I see the only dark spot on the white sheet. I am jealous when I see him talk to someone other than me. Is this jealousy good? He was nothing to me until now but is making me feel this way. He was like anyone else. He was like Dr. Gunasekaran who assisted me in my laboratory or else he was like the postman to whom I talk about American politics. At least the postman brought me letters from home. What has He done to me? Except that Raj makes me feel good when he is around me.

Dare to dream...

The views mentioned are personal not to make a mockery of anything. But people have the liberty to think of anything after they read the blog.

I was chatting with a friend and was asked about my dreams. The dreams my friend referred was of about my future but all it reminded me was of the amazing and unique dream I have had. Why I call my dreams unique is because I feel the dreams that you have in your sleep are manifestations of the reality around you. If I am going through an emotion or an experience it is not the same for someone else. Every dream that we have is connected with the reality. I think if one pondered about the kind of dreams they are having they can really understand their cognitive structure. More than anything they can really arrive at answers to questions that have been disturbing them. I think interpretation of dreams is a subject in itself that will take an entire blog.

Yesterday night I went to bed a bit early at 12:30 so that I could get up and play foot ball as planned. Though I had doubts about myself and the others getting up early to play football I set my alarm to get up early. A game of football in the morning was too tempting for me. I think more than the function of a mobile phone it serves me as an alarm. As usual I set three alarms in my cell phone with three different sounds. This is because I was getting used to the sound that I slept even as my alarm rang till the battery power got drained. The last mid term test I couldn’t take chances and asked my cousin at home to give me wakeup call.

My mobile alarm rang and as usual my hand automatically went to snooze it. After my alarm I just remember getting up late at 8:30 instead of 6. I proved myself wrong that only sport was something that could enthuse me to forgo sleep.

Hey sorry I was talking of dreams !All the dreams that I remember are those that happen in the morning. The dream I had today can be called controversial but I think there is nothing wrong in telling it outside.

It was a nice morning and it was a packed class in PGP 1 class. I greeted a couple of people before settling down into one of those middle rows. We were all there for a surprise. One smart girl from PGP 2 comes to the class professionally dressed. People, I call the girl smart as she was really good looking but seriously I don’t remember who. I swear!!

Couple of days before I remember someone talking over phone to his friend saying this “hey I am the fairest here in BIM, don`t talk of the girls, there are lot of Sameera reddys and Bipasha Basus.”. That comment wasn’t mine but he did clarify that when he mentioned about the Sameera reddy`s and Bipasha basu he was mentioning the skin color. I should tell you, I like Nandita Das; she is so beautiful and has brains too. Listen to her when she talks next time. She is a postgraduate in Sociology.

Back to the dream -As students get settled she first says “I am going to take your class for the next 10 sessions and incase you have any reservations against me taking the class please do tell”. That was so sweet on her part but who cared what is being delivered. The question was who was delivering. The boys were happy that the class was engaged by a beautiful female. I swear again that I still don’t know who the lady was! If only the dreams were so much easily recollected it would have been interesting.
Do I understand the reason behind the dream? Not sure. I did express this dream to a couple of people. One said “are you going to take finance in the second year” I said “Yes” and he said “I can see that you are already affected”. People in BIM would understand what he said.

Before coming to BIM I remember a dream. I am sure very few people would understand what I feel. It was early morning and sun was just out. The sky was getting brighter and I am on my bike. I am going through a road that was straight and was never ending. I could see only one thing all my way-Fresh, beautiful orange flowers all over the place; on either sides of the road, all along the road and also in on the road. It was such a pleasure riding my bike and I could really feel good about it. I remembered that dream for a long time. The dream was just the night before I was coming to Trichy. I still don’t know what it meant but the dream gave me such a positive energy and I could look forward to my time at BIM.

There have been other common dreams that I think many others would have had. Like being chased by a Tiger (in a lot of my friends cases it has been dogs), falling from a high raised buildings. But there have been other weird dreams as well. I would tell you people one such dream.

I was in my second year of engineering. I was sharing my room with 4 other people. I remember one friend telling me that I was the only sane guy in the room. (I don`t want you guys to approve that  ) One such crazy friend who happens to be one of my close friends fell sick. He was almost on the bed for a week or more. During that period I had this dream.
I find him coughing and struggling and I call for a doctor. I am waiting on the second floor of my hostel waiting for the doctor, looking over from the balcony. I see at least some five white Maruti cars that were speeding towards my hostel. Hey notice it was white maruti cars and not white Ambassadors!! I am really specific because you shouldn’t ask me any questions later. Anything is fair in a dream.

I didn’t really expect that to be the doctor but I was curious who it was. No prizes for guessing who it was anyway your guesses would have gone waste...... “It was Atal Bihari Vajpayee”. Poor fellow would have found it so difficult to travel in that small Maruti car with his knee problems. But I guess there is no pain in a dream. I was neither a BJP supporter nor did Atalji become that famous in the year 2000. But he was in my room. He had come to see my friend Bhaskar.

Crazy dreams!!! Isn’t it? Guess it has to do with what was inscribed on my computer centre in REC Trichy the Octagon. It said “Dare to dream”

Quid Pro Quo - Hey it is good to be selfish

Read the blog with a pinch of salt. I have managed to stay confused. I start with a certain issue and have not really done justice in finding an answer as I don’t know. People do reply incase you have one.

When you like someone do you do something for them expecting a return? Do you expect them to like u as much as you do?

Can there be selfless people?

Is doing something good to someone always associated with a return in mind?

I think these questions have been there in my mind for a couple of days now.

It is tough in being selfish than being selfless. I happen to say this as there is less and less acts that can be called selfless.

It was couple of months back that we had this usual discussion in our room. I then believed that there can be certain things that can be selfless. You are climbing the staircase and in the last second of placing your foot you see an ant. You stumble to save the ant by not stepping on it. All these things might have happened in a fraction of a second. Though your mind manipulates a million things in a nano second you would have not thought of this act of compassion. You would have not thought whether you have made a difference by saving a life but you still happen to do it.
This one argument gave me a reason to believe that there can be things that can be done without any return expected.

The next day I had a discussion with Senthil. This guy I think one of the best I have seen for quiet sometime with his radical views. When I asked him if there could be a selfless act he said a clear “NO”.
He said “Anything that man does, how ever sacred it might be is to satisfy some need of his. Take a case of an act of charity. A person does it to satisfy his values.”
I was satisfied with what he said.

Recently I have been thinking a lot about people around me. I have been thinking about who it would be if I had to share something great that has happened. I have been thinking who it would be if I was searching for a shoulder for support.

Orcutting is happening in a big way in our School. There is one place where you rate your friends. This is what made me think about who my real close friends were? And who all I liked? I did mark in a few contacts that I was their fan. A privilege given to a limited few. Thinking why I did this I thought there are different kinds of people:

1. Whom you would like from the outset you had met them. This is for no reasons.
2. There are others whom you don’t like from the first time you saw them, again for no reason ( I called them “the insects” someone felt it was funny calling them this way)
3. There are others you get to know slowly and them you start liking them.
I don’t have the fourth kind where you get to hate someone slowly.

So I did mark a couple of fans in Orcut based on the classification made. There are this 1st kind of people and the 3rd kind of people whom I admire. Also there are people whom it is difficult to classify between the first and the third type.

People have always accused me of digging deep and finding meaning between words. I really feel it is a sin which I repeatedly commit or otherwise I guess there would been no entry in this blog.

Now that I find a good rosy picture of having so many people around me, whom I can rely I start thinking on the next level. I start to think what is that bond on which such a relation or liking that has flourished?
I think I have an answer to this from one of the comments to my earlier blog. It was from my brother’s friend though written in different context it applies to any good relation.

Anu Vijay said...

Love is something that you feel from the bottom of your heart when the time comes along. I know this sounds like a Cliché, but it's true. It is not something that can be explained to someone. It will be the greatest thing that you've ever experienced, and then some. Like you said, looks definitely do help, but ofcourse beyond looks, or any other superficial qualities, the two most important things that count the most in a life partner are an understanding nature and being able to talk to them about anything and everything under the sun without the fear of being judged. Above all, you should be able to have fun with that person and enjoy life. Anyway, you'll understand when the time comes... Believe me!!!

I think it is important in any relation to have the two qualities mentioned. This is what they call the moral fiber that binds any relation. I liked the comment so much and especially the highlighted two lines

the two most important things that count the most in a life partner are an understanding nature and being able to talk to them about anything and everything under the sun without the fear of being judged.

I started with saying there are very less and less things that we do that are selfless but with people you love, with people you like are you being selfless?Still a question mark? …. what do you say if in being selfish you happen to do something good to others? I say it is good to be SELFISH