The kodai Trip... 850 kms in 4 days...4 bikes and 6 people

girl before and after a marriage

just try control A or select all on the image

an incomplete post...

Usually we classify people as ‘the haves’ and ‘the have nots’. But on what basis do we classify them. I have been telling a lot of my friends that I am a changed man after the year 2000. It did really take me years of introspective analysis to realise that a person’s character hinges on the set of beliefs and concepts that he subscribes to. Hence true poverty is not materialistic poverty but conceptual poverty. The fewer ideas that there are in a person’s vocabulary the less likely would be the person’s ability to explore life. The fewer ideas that are within a person’s grasp, the more narrow and prejudiced will be his outlook on life.

Every thinking person is a philosopher in a way. The sole purpose a philosophers statement is abstract I think is to create as much idea and perception about the subject that the philosopher is trying to convey. Either an idea can be experienced or can be conceived by logical thought. The thinker is dependent on his imagination and prejudice when trying to stretch his ideas to fit aspects of reality that he has never experienced.

This opens up another dimension of philosophy – the relationship between philosophy and psychology. I found this one from the internet when I was trying to understand both these Ps.

Psychology works with need.

Philosophy works with truth.

To explain the above consider this question “Why do we exist?” (What is the meaning of life?) Our consciousness doesn’t even understand if this is a scientific question or philosophical one. Considering that science doesn’t attempt to deal with this question we can say there are two pertaining questions that arise for a intellectual understanding of the question –why do we exist?

What is the psychological motivation of the inquirer?
What is the philosophical answer to the actual question?

I think the best way of answering a lot of these questions is through a question
Both factors have to be explored if wisdom is to be attained. Only by answering Q1 first can we be assured that the answer to Q2 is not supplied just by the imagination. It is not easy to state the difference between need and truth, and in practice it is very hard to separate them. In fact there is only one way to separate them, and that is to be committed to finding a first-hand answer by living one’s ideas. Such intense life experience usually separates truth from need.

Richard Gere

I have seen his movies... Primal Fear, The unfaithful, Pretty Woman
I have seen two of his interviews and he reinforces my belief that he is much more than the usual Hollywood actor, who just speak what they prepare to speak because they are a public figure.
This guy talks out his conviction. He talks about music, he talks of philosophy, he talks about Buddhism, he talks about gymnastics and he talks about movies.
shall be posting soon...

wait for two things.. One about how this guys gives fascinating replies to the questions posed at him and another subject he lead me into "subjective Idealism".. look out for my post..
its time for me to blog more...

Travelolving...

It was a usual evening in a MBA course. Suddenly you hear a day off. I was in no mood to try studying the whole day and I thought of different ways of spending the day. I made my mind to go to Pollachi, my second home. My uncle’s house was at Thenkumarapalayam a beautiful village around 15 kilometers from Pollachi. The first bus to the village was around 4:45 in the morning. I reached the place by 3:15 which was real early.
Like before I watched the busy activity at the Bus stand. There were news paper agents trying to segregate newspapers for different place. It was a Sunday so they had to even take care of the supplementary sheets. Many a time at BIM I have seen people throw their other frustrations at the paper boy. The news paper agents had to ensure that their boys are safe from the Elite class of people who sit and read news paper without even think how it reaches them.

Growing population is reflected by the activity that you can see in many of these public spaces. You have limited bus service for the number of people who travel. As soon as you see the sight of bus coming into the bus stand you can see the bus being mobbed by the people waiting to find a place for themselves inside the bus. “Kursi khi moh kiskho nahi”. Everybody likes to have a seat in this country. You actually try to avoid seeing the sight as you would feel if someone will get hurt trying to find a place to sit inside the bus.

This is not the only instant when I would want the people to be safe. While traveling on a bus every time I see someone putting their hand or head outside the window inadvertently I have asked them not to. Not everyone listens to you, so I generally take up a seat in the left hand side so that I even I avoid seeing someone do that against a roaring truck or a bus from the opposite side. It is not just with people I don’t know.
Once I asked my friend not to stand close to the edge of the platform and I certainly knew what would be response (“JC I have traveled by train before and I can look after myself “) but I couldn’t stop.

At last I got the bus at 5:10 and reached home by 6 am.

Traveling has given me time and opportunity to think and reflect on lot of things. It is during travel I find I spend a lot of time with my self. Some people go to sleep; others read a book while traveling. If with people I enjoy their company or else I am in deep thoughts while looking at the scenic beauty. It was during this time I think I started to think a lot of issues which I would have left unnoticed. I would think where I was heading to and what I would do? (Not in the literal sense!)

It is no exaggeration if I say that I have traveled to all corners of India. There are certain things you need to experience to feel the real essence. Like what it means to say - India is Diverse. The real meaning of this three worded sentence is best understood if you have experienced the different people, the places and not to forget the food.

There are cities like Mumbai which creates a fear in you of getting lost. (For those who are new to the city). There are many friends of mine who are absolutely in love with the city. I was moving from one platform to another carrying my big luggage that a local metro train reached the platform. I found a big human wave sweeping the foot over (over bridge). I felt that I would get lost in a city like Mumbai.

There have been other places where you would love the tranquility you get with the settings you find yourself. Nashik and Darjeeling were such places. If you had a choice you would want a home in places like these. Kerala for that matter would amaze you the greenery. So many beaches and waterfalls but still it doesn’t bore you.

During a commissioning assignment I had to visit a place called Jeypore. (No typo error, it is a place in Orissa Koraput district and not the Pink city). The district has been identified as one of the most backward districts in the country. The company was so generous that we were made to stay at the best hotel in the area which wasn’t that good. I would never forget the Dosa I ate there. A Dosa which was half baked with some smell of Fermented barley. Never did I try a south Indian dish again. But yeah the parathas that were available on the roadside were amazing.

I would remember Calcutta for its rasgollas, beautiful ladies and Kali temple; Delhi for its wide roads, old buildings and the bazaars; Bangalore for just one reason, it hosts a lot of my friends.

I have always liked the village side for its lush green fields and the friendly people.

It is during the travel that you get to meet people. Every time I traveled in train there would be nice cute kid in our bogie. Once from Chennai to Calcutta and the other from Mumbai to Bangalore through the Western Ghats- I discovered my passion for photography during these travels. The pictures I tool during my Darjeeling trips were a big hit. If not for my philanthropic assistance to my friends I would have made good money had I sold those pictures at school.

Things are different now. I like to drive my Bullet for long distances. My three months new Bullet has already taken a ride from Chennai to Trichy (330 Kms) and to and fro ride to Madurai (from Trichy 280 Kms in all). I just love the machine. Last few weeks we have been touring the temples nearby. History, cultural heritage, language and temples are so much to do with each other. India with so much of places to offer (heritage sites), big coast lines punctuate with so many beaches India attracts tourist lesser than the tiny SriLanka. Guess the B School grads should look at this as an opportunity and make a business plan.

Traveling, biking, photography really goes with my passion of being connected with people, nature and India.

what does the "I" want from "me"

It is almost 2 weeks since I am back in campus. Three months at home. It was a well needed break. I had a lot of outings with friends and cousins. How can I forget the people at EY? They were amazing. When I was sitting idle at home I just wanted to be back in campus. Now I am where I wanted to be!! I wanted the remaining one year to be the most hardworking and fruitful year.

BIM hasn't given me the happiness I was looking for. You can create an ambience of hope and motivation but Motivation has to come from within - they say.

I sit now analyze why this feeling of helpless in me on the day when Marwar- a event spanning over a week came to a end. It is already 0230 hours.

I love people who have opinions.
I love people who are independent.
I love people who stand for their values.
I love people who can speak their minds.

I hate indecisions. I am the most confused myself these days. I just don’t want to say I hate myself. I feel my happiness lies outside in others which I know is wrong. I have been questioning my values. I feel a hypocrite so many times trying to speak my mind.

Couple of days back had the best outing for long time. We left by 8 in the morning and were back by evening 6. Such a joy ride it was with 6 other wonderful people but once I was back in campus I was like feeling void.
I have no complains but still this feeling is weird.

What does the 'I' want from 'me' is the question I ask myself the most?

I am not worried about my placements. Nor I am worried about the Grade points slipping a couple of decimals. So what is that I want? If only I knew what I want I think I will be on the driver’s seat. Being not in control bothers me.

These days I have been trying to do a lot of different things. But none of these have come to my rescue so far. I hate cribbing but the same time no harm in trying to find what is wrong.

I had similar things in mind years ago. What if I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up? What if I didn't want to grow up at all? Then, in absolute distress, I imagined myself as my own, personal shrink. I saw myself reclining on my couch. Then I asked, "Why are you scared? I mean, reallyscared." That was a hard one, but I answered bravely: "More than anything, I'm afraid to fail." It was one of those translucently transcendent moments--almost an epiphany, when I knew I was being honest with myself. What scared me most was the possibility of letting people down--especially me.

You see, I discovered something so obvious it seems ridiculous to mention. isn't it?

I know that most of my energy goes in this contemplation. These are not a waste I know. I have evolved through such a thought process number of times. But this time I don’t know how to think? What to think? But I know why to think. I have to contemplate to find out the answer for this one question. What does the ‘I’ want from the ‘me’?

Such a nice song while ending this blog....

"Krishna nee begane baro...."

"Sweet" Mail

One fine day I get this mail. All I utter is 'so sweet'. I then forward this to a friend asking for the reaction and reply 'sweet mail'. I get this mail after a long time from one of my close friends- Bhaskar

What's up?
You remember we used to listen to one Colonial Cousins CD again and again in 2nd year. What was the album called? I want to buy it. I suddenly miss those days, and I want to recreate as much of it as possible. I have already got Alai Paayuthe and Kannathil Muththamitaal cassettes. And I have the project report on my centre table. There is still no way I can play cricket in the corridor, though.

I am trying to relive those times in this blog. Won`t be successful but I am happy trying. Bhaskar got his name Bosh from me in the first year. But god knows why people started attributing a lot of reasons why he got his name BO for him being from the Bong(Bengali) land and ……..the rest another story.

He is working far from home, alone, really alone.

We shared the room in the second year. It was supposed that in the second year the room was allocated for only 4 but we were 5 people staying in that. Each of the five people were very different from the other. One was real crazy guy. You need a separate blog for him.

Bosh- he needs an introduction. He started learning Mridhangam (percussion instrument) when he was three years old. I heard from his parents that he broke the arm rest of the small chair that was meant for him So his parents bought him a Mridhangam and then he started his journey with music. I think one reason he stayed with me in the second year was seeing my collection of hindi and tamil songs I had in the first year. Greedy intention but I didn’t mind. He was not that a bad roomy. Within two years with him I knew what I could expect out of him and he did confide in me a lot. We would sit in the verandah talking things that really did`nt matter our engineering study but really brought us closer.

He was the favourite student of HT( Hemalatha Thyagarajan – Others would say Hyper Tension). Students used to piss in their parents in her class and this guy would be talking hours together with this lady. For people in BIM I can give a small intro about this lady. She had commented seeing Prof. M. Sankar that after a long time she had seen someone really worth talking to in OR.
Bosh was good in Statistics and Communication Papers. He was a State topper in Statistics. Annova table he says he did it in 11th standard. Guys I don’t remember a thing I studied in second trimester.

Bosh and I did a lot of things together. Did a project – Let me tell you the topic of the project that we tried doing in the three months given to us. “Target Tracking in a cluttered environment using JPDAF filter” – oooh..Guess Giri will appreciate me for having said this far but pardon me if I got it wrong. All we managed to do is another side project – learnt and got a license for a four wheeler. I guess the only test I managed to pass and the only thing in 4 years I deserved to pass.

We had a blast while doing that project. Giri would make fun of Bosh for those stories that Bosh would spin around. In-between those times spending in understanding the Greek and Latin that was there in the prescribed book by some Israeli Author we would hear the songs on my Disc man that Bosh mentions in the mail he sent to me.

As I write this blog I mailed Giri to find out the book and the author and he sincerely replies Tracking and Data estimation - by Yaakov Bar Shalom.
Giri himself needs a separate blog as well.

We traveled back and forth to REC from Chennai a lot of times together. Once we traveled sitting on the bus foot board. We had to hop buses as it was some season for marriage and all buses were running full.

I remember well once I dreamt of AB Vajpayee the then Prime Minister coming and visiting sick Bhaskar. There was no logic behind that dream. Neither I nor Bosh had any links with the Sang Pariwar. It was just that for a week he was lying on the bed ill.

There have been many instances but I know the memories that are there aren’t showing up on this post.

“I am capable of more and deserve a lot less”

- My 4 years in college had been like this. I knew I could do better but without effort I got a lot. Like the job in the final year or the group of people I treasure.

is this me

this is after a long long time...
thought i would atleast give out something about myself...tell me if its true

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Test To See If You Are Color Blind

Rang Barse beege chunawali rang barse...







little frustrating loading these files and that too with a lot of effort ...all the pictures i was loading were upside down...

...it was fun taking pictures..imagine how much fun it was playing holi.

How can I leave the blog with just the pictures so some thoughts. I was reading about colors once I got hold of these pictures, my experimentation after a long time with the SLR camera.

Are Colors Significant?

Only for the sighted or only if one isn't color-blind. For those of us blessed with sight, we've been taught that colors can make us feel good, excite us, generate fear and joy, or literally make us nauseated. As long as we attach a certain meaning to a particular color, colors will remain to be significant.

Close your eyes and feel the warmth of the sun, or taste a "red-hot" candy, or feel the fear of thunder and the crackle of lightning. Hold a newborn baby in your arms. Feel a puppy or kitten. The next time you attend a wedding, close your eyes to shut out any color. Is the wedding any less meaningful? Colorless raindrops need not be seen or heard to know they give renewed life to the earth or feel wonderful on your skin. What we feel inside doesn't require color.

Bloody who asked you to close your eyes? The real world is outside, when the eyes are open. (Am I right?)

The essence of a dialogues from matrix in this context ...

If real world is what we see, touch, taste, feel, hear, or smell then is real world just not electrical signals sent to the brain?

It is said that Dreams that we see are colorless. How does it matter?

I am not sure what message I conveyed but the pictures on this blog are full of colors. I am not color blind. I can see the colors!!

praying from inside the cockpit

It was just another examination morning till the time I went to pray after my bath. For me praying has been a ritual, I mean reason I prayed was because I believed there was strength, a force that was beyond our reasoning and science. I am spiritual but not really religious.

What was new about praying today? I prayed for once “Let me get what I deserve”.
I finished my prayers and remembered I hadn’t prepared that well for my exams. I had to finish four more chapters of my portions and what did I utter to my god almighty “Let me get what I deserve!!”
I have never thought so far whether my prayers have been heard by GOD but I prayed.

I have prayed for my father when he was not doing well.
I prayed for my brother when he was getting married. “Oh God Save Anna!!” Just kidding. It was a usual prayer to keep him healthy and prosperous with Anni, nothing else intended.
I have prayed for my friends.
I remember a prayer from school. Some how I picked up this one line from the prayer. Guess being in my adolescence this one line appealed to me. It said “Oh lord, lead us not into temptations but deliver us from evil”. I prayed for happiness around me.
Recently I have been praying for Ashwin.
My prayer has been simple so far.

The prayer for today came from no where. I feel the today’s prayer meant I would be prepared for anything that would come my way. I was as though asking: Give me whatever I work for; bless me with whatever I deserve. I have never believed in fate. Believing in fate means as a person you are not in control of your life.

When we pray we are most of the times greedy in what we want. Having asked for what I deserve makes me feel like a king. Someone who can have what he needs.Again I hope it is not just the state of mind. I don’t want to find this feeling to be one of those mood swings. I hope I can pray like this all day.

I am just feeling like sitting in the cockpit. Full control!!

By the way I phod phaded the exam today. Didn’t know I deserved this much!!!

Matrix reloaded, What about me???

AM I THE ONE? Keanu Reeves would definitely mind such a question. A blog inspired by the Trilogy ..that is all.

My good friend pointed out that there was something that was unusual for the past three- four days but I believed there was something wrong with me since my mid term got over.
Neither I have the answer what is wrong with me nor does my friend. I came to my room as confused as I was before.

“Matrix Reloaded” was on HBO; one good thing about not being in Chennai is that you get these channels without a problem.
I have always loved the one liner in the first part “The matrix”. I have seen my friends going crazy over the whole philosophy of the trilogy. The very first time I could appreciate the dialogues between the protagonist and his mentor (Neo and Morpheus).

There is one such dialogue sequence when both these characters meet for the first time.

Morpheus: I imagine that right now, you're feeling a bit like Alice. Hmm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole?
Neo: You could say that.
Morpheus: I see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, that's not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
Morpheus: I know *exactly* what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but its there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me

Every word that Morpheus utters seems to suit my state of mind this moment.
I am no Neo but I always have believed that we as individuals are in control of our lives. Some change in me? Yes …No… My friend doesn’t accept when I say I am a confused being now. All I am being told is that I am not my usual self. Guess this is the root of the problem now. I am not in the driver’s seat.

Now I shall leave what I am not and what I shall be after writing the blog to time, I'll better try to continue with the Wonderful dialogues of the movie. I was just telling the other day to one of my friend that what are being told in the film through these dialogues are real HR (philosophies and human psychology) concepts and more of them from the Indian context.

Indian philosophies in a Hollywood film?? For instance Matrix talks a lot about rebirth.

Oracle: OK, now I'm supposed to say, "Hmm, that's interesting, but..." then you say...
Neo: ..."but what?"
Oracle: But... you already know what I'm going to tell you.
Neo: I'm not The One.
Oracle: Sorry, kid. You got the gift, but it looks like you're waiting for something.
Neo: What?
Oracle: Your next life, maybe. Who knows? That's the way these things go.

There are a lot these favorites of mine. For example I like this one from Agent smith where he talks about Human race similar to Virus. Even the villain says the truth and he has philosophies. You know the Lanka king Ravana in Ramayan was said to be more learned and scholarly person than Ram.

Agent Smith: I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure.

We never live in harmony with the environment like other living beings, do we? And guess what we study Environmental management.

Read this one about life. Just can’t be really more precise than this one statement.

Neo: Why am I here?
The Architect: Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the matrix.

People can derive a lot of meaning. For people who haven’t seen the trilogy -Matrix is the unreal world. The matrix was programmed by the “Architect”. You can compare the programming of the matrix to the design of life. Though this is against my belief of being in control of ones life what I see in this one line is that there are external influences that affect the course of life. But we are just talking of the remainders; I feel the life is more than sum of these remainders, there are factors that are controlled by us that also matter.

Today in class as and when I was hearing some verbs and adjectives I was writing it down. With it I was pairing another word. The rule was simple for pairing, just make some sense, some relation between the words paired. Some of them were

Relationship- effort; Illusion-knowledge; Company- assets; belief-hope;

trade offs – Strong wins.

I really didn’t know that there were dialogues that conveyed the same meaning as I did with these pair of words. I was thinking of the word choice as a privilege of the haves. And went on to write this pair of words Trade offs – strong Wins. In the movie we have:

Merovingian: Choice is an illusion created between those with power and those without.

Hey I had written another pair of words that finds a dialogue in the film though not explicit.......
..The pair of words was Illusion-knowledge and the dialogue

Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

Before I conclude, why is it I dig deep into a lot of things?

I was saying today “I say Hi to a lot of people even though I really don’t mean saying it"

Why did I say that.... can I free my mind of thoughts... if that was possible I won’t be writing blogs. :)

To be continued for it has become too long a blog.

Avantika... needs help

It was a Sunday morning 6 O’clock. It was the Indian republic day but it was a insignificant day in the alien land. Her eyes just opened and she closed them tightly. Also the grip on her pillow tightened. She didn’t want to wake up. Last night she had a tough time getting sleep. She did sleep after 4 hours of struggle. She did everything possible – counting numbers from 1 to 1000, the alphabets in the reverse order, she would also tell her lower level maths multiplication tables to sleep. She really hated them then.

There has been very less occasions where Avantika had made a decision in haste. She in a lot of instances has believed that no decision is better than a bad decision. Indecisions have never made her feel so bad for the past 23 years of her life. For quite sometime say about a week Avantika has not been the person she is. She believed that she was living for someone else, not for herself. She was living for that someone, who would have not even made a difference in her life if asked couple of days back. Knowing this fact was not something that was comfortable to her.

She thought " she was not living, not even surviving but just existing"

She was contradicting herself. She was a strong believer that relationships are built over time. She valued her parents so much. While all these things happened she really missed her Appa – Amma.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Avantika was a bright student in her college and like anyone else wanted to really make it big in her career in medicine. After a lot of effort and pain of writing the sequence of exams she had her admissions in US. She left India on June 11th 2002. The whole Chennai airport was cordoned by policemen. A politician was coming back from US and there was an arrest warrant against him on account of the new legislation to curb terrorism. Political vendetta had caused Avantika from seeing her parents while she boarded the flight.

Avantika was a girl who was matured for her age. Though she could take things as they came she did feel bad of the change in plans. She had some silly but important things to be told to her parents, she had a gift for her Dad and Mom. But situation demanded her to leave for security check even as her heart felt she should stay for some more time with her parents.

She recorded what she thought in her diary during the long and tiring flight. It was a mixed feeling. One she felt responsible for herself more and felt really free. Second felt deprived of her strength that she saw in her parents. Air India offered a good Indian food but she was in no mood to eat. If it was some other occasion she would have emptied the food tray in minutes. It was an 18 hour travel.

Page in her diary that day read:

11 June 2002
Vaiko arrested. Does that matter? Yes. My foot.

I am leaving India. Does that matter? Yes. Yes yes it surely does. Flying is an expression of joy, not anymore – I would remember this flight of 18 hours every time I think of flying. A new alien land, whether it welcomes me or not shall be my new home. Family and friends who were there at every step of my life so far would be there for me just through sound signals. But these would be the signals giving me energy for the next two years.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

She had to get up because of a phone call from her friend. She was informed that she had to attend a session in her school on Chemical pathology. She thought there was no need for her to understand what the bodily fluids did to her body. Previously she thought that most of the feeling in human body is because of these bodily fluids.

"Every Human reaction is hormonal" she said.

She would always quote the dialogue from "Ayutha Ezhuthu" (Yuva) . The protagonist explains to his fiance about what makes a realtion between the man and the woman before the famous song of Adnan Sami.

She would always found a logic behind anything. She felt there was a reason behind every human behavior and that it was all physiological. Now she is being made to think the other way.
Now she thought there is something that can’t be explained by Man.

Her parents have always taught her jealousy was something that was really bad. But now she felt jealous for one particular reason. Every time she was jealous she told to herself not to. Her moral fiber always felt that being jealous is bad. But now she feels it is ok to be jealous.

Before she leaves for school she writes her diary, the only company from the time she came to the alien land.

The diary reads:

26 Jan 2003

Indian republic day today: 53 years India has been republic. What has it achieved?

100 Billion Population.
Reproduction at the rate of adding Australian population to the Indian Subcontinent.

It has one achievement to boast. Sending engineers and doctors to work for the US multinationals.

Hey, until this time I thought I would write only good things about India. I feel it is my state of mind that I am reflecting. I see the only dark spot on the white sheet. I am jealous when I see him talk to someone other than me. Is this jealousy good? He was nothing to me until now but is making me feel this way. He was like anyone else. He was like Dr. Gunasekaran who assisted me in my laboratory or else he was like the postman to whom I talk about American politics. At least the postman brought me letters from home. What has He done to me? Except that Raj makes me feel good when he is around me.

Dare to dream...

The views mentioned are personal not to make a mockery of anything. But people have the liberty to think of anything after they read the blog.

I was chatting with a friend and was asked about my dreams. The dreams my friend referred was of about my future but all it reminded me was of the amazing and unique dream I have had. Why I call my dreams unique is because I feel the dreams that you have in your sleep are manifestations of the reality around you. If I am going through an emotion or an experience it is not the same for someone else. Every dream that we have is connected with the reality. I think if one pondered about the kind of dreams they are having they can really understand their cognitive structure. More than anything they can really arrive at answers to questions that have been disturbing them. I think interpretation of dreams is a subject in itself that will take an entire blog.

Yesterday night I went to bed a bit early at 12:30 so that I could get up and play foot ball as planned. Though I had doubts about myself and the others getting up early to play football I set my alarm to get up early. A game of football in the morning was too tempting for me. I think more than the function of a mobile phone it serves me as an alarm. As usual I set three alarms in my cell phone with three different sounds. This is because I was getting used to the sound that I slept even as my alarm rang till the battery power got drained. The last mid term test I couldn’t take chances and asked my cousin at home to give me wakeup call.

My mobile alarm rang and as usual my hand automatically went to snooze it. After my alarm I just remember getting up late at 8:30 instead of 6. I proved myself wrong that only sport was something that could enthuse me to forgo sleep.

Hey sorry I was talking of dreams !All the dreams that I remember are those that happen in the morning. The dream I had today can be called controversial but I think there is nothing wrong in telling it outside.

It was a nice morning and it was a packed class in PGP 1 class. I greeted a couple of people before settling down into one of those middle rows. We were all there for a surprise. One smart girl from PGP 2 comes to the class professionally dressed. People, I call the girl smart as she was really good looking but seriously I don’t remember who. I swear!!

Couple of days before I remember someone talking over phone to his friend saying this “hey I am the fairest here in BIM, don`t talk of the girls, there are lot of Sameera reddys and Bipasha Basus.”. That comment wasn’t mine but he did clarify that when he mentioned about the Sameera reddy`s and Bipasha basu he was mentioning the skin color. I should tell you, I like Nandita Das; she is so beautiful and has brains too. Listen to her when she talks next time. She is a postgraduate in Sociology.

Back to the dream -As students get settled she first says “I am going to take your class for the next 10 sessions and incase you have any reservations against me taking the class please do tell”. That was so sweet on her part but who cared what is being delivered. The question was who was delivering. The boys were happy that the class was engaged by a beautiful female. I swear again that I still don’t know who the lady was! If only the dreams were so much easily recollected it would have been interesting.
Do I understand the reason behind the dream? Not sure. I did express this dream to a couple of people. One said “are you going to take finance in the second year” I said “Yes” and he said “I can see that you are already affected”. People in BIM would understand what he said.

Before coming to BIM I remember a dream. I am sure very few people would understand what I feel. It was early morning and sun was just out. The sky was getting brighter and I am on my bike. I am going through a road that was straight and was never ending. I could see only one thing all my way-Fresh, beautiful orange flowers all over the place; on either sides of the road, all along the road and also in on the road. It was such a pleasure riding my bike and I could really feel good about it. I remembered that dream for a long time. The dream was just the night before I was coming to Trichy. I still don’t know what it meant but the dream gave me such a positive energy and I could look forward to my time at BIM.

There have been other common dreams that I think many others would have had. Like being chased by a Tiger (in a lot of my friends cases it has been dogs), falling from a high raised buildings. But there have been other weird dreams as well. I would tell you people one such dream.

I was in my second year of engineering. I was sharing my room with 4 other people. I remember one friend telling me that I was the only sane guy in the room. (I don`t want you guys to approve that  ) One such crazy friend who happens to be one of my close friends fell sick. He was almost on the bed for a week or more. During that period I had this dream.
I find him coughing and struggling and I call for a doctor. I am waiting on the second floor of my hostel waiting for the doctor, looking over from the balcony. I see at least some five white Maruti cars that were speeding towards my hostel. Hey notice it was white maruti cars and not white Ambassadors!! I am really specific because you shouldn’t ask me any questions later. Anything is fair in a dream.

I didn’t really expect that to be the doctor but I was curious who it was. No prizes for guessing who it was anyway your guesses would have gone waste...... “It was Atal Bihari Vajpayee”. Poor fellow would have found it so difficult to travel in that small Maruti car with his knee problems. But I guess there is no pain in a dream. I was neither a BJP supporter nor did Atalji become that famous in the year 2000. But he was in my room. He had come to see my friend Bhaskar.

Crazy dreams!!! Isn’t it? Guess it has to do with what was inscribed on my computer centre in REC Trichy the Octagon. It said “Dare to dream”

Quid Pro Quo - Hey it is good to be selfish

Read the blog with a pinch of salt. I have managed to stay confused. I start with a certain issue and have not really done justice in finding an answer as I don’t know. People do reply incase you have one.

When you like someone do you do something for them expecting a return? Do you expect them to like u as much as you do?

Can there be selfless people?

Is doing something good to someone always associated with a return in mind?

I think these questions have been there in my mind for a couple of days now.

It is tough in being selfish than being selfless. I happen to say this as there is less and less acts that can be called selfless.

It was couple of months back that we had this usual discussion in our room. I then believed that there can be certain things that can be selfless. You are climbing the staircase and in the last second of placing your foot you see an ant. You stumble to save the ant by not stepping on it. All these things might have happened in a fraction of a second. Though your mind manipulates a million things in a nano second you would have not thought of this act of compassion. You would have not thought whether you have made a difference by saving a life but you still happen to do it.
This one argument gave me a reason to believe that there can be things that can be done without any return expected.

The next day I had a discussion with Senthil. This guy I think one of the best I have seen for quiet sometime with his radical views. When I asked him if there could be a selfless act he said a clear “NO”.
He said “Anything that man does, how ever sacred it might be is to satisfy some need of his. Take a case of an act of charity. A person does it to satisfy his values.”
I was satisfied with what he said.

Recently I have been thinking a lot about people around me. I have been thinking about who it would be if I had to share something great that has happened. I have been thinking who it would be if I was searching for a shoulder for support.

Orcutting is happening in a big way in our School. There is one place where you rate your friends. This is what made me think about who my real close friends were? And who all I liked? I did mark in a few contacts that I was their fan. A privilege given to a limited few. Thinking why I did this I thought there are different kinds of people:

1. Whom you would like from the outset you had met them. This is for no reasons.
2. There are others whom you don’t like from the first time you saw them, again for no reason ( I called them “the insects” someone felt it was funny calling them this way)
3. There are others you get to know slowly and them you start liking them.
I don’t have the fourth kind where you get to hate someone slowly.

So I did mark a couple of fans in Orcut based on the classification made. There are this 1st kind of people and the 3rd kind of people whom I admire. Also there are people whom it is difficult to classify between the first and the third type.

People have always accused me of digging deep and finding meaning between words. I really feel it is a sin which I repeatedly commit or otherwise I guess there would been no entry in this blog.

Now that I find a good rosy picture of having so many people around me, whom I can rely I start thinking on the next level. I start to think what is that bond on which such a relation or liking that has flourished?
I think I have an answer to this from one of the comments to my earlier blog. It was from my brother’s friend though written in different context it applies to any good relation.

Anu Vijay said...

Love is something that you feel from the bottom of your heart when the time comes along. I know this sounds like a Cliché, but it's true. It is not something that can be explained to someone. It will be the greatest thing that you've ever experienced, and then some. Like you said, looks definitely do help, but ofcourse beyond looks, or any other superficial qualities, the two most important things that count the most in a life partner are an understanding nature and being able to talk to them about anything and everything under the sun without the fear of being judged. Above all, you should be able to have fun with that person and enjoy life. Anyway, you'll understand when the time comes... Believe me!!!

I think it is important in any relation to have the two qualities mentioned. This is what they call the moral fiber that binds any relation. I liked the comment so much and especially the highlighted two lines

the two most important things that count the most in a life partner are an understanding nature and being able to talk to them about anything and everything under the sun without the fear of being judged.

I started with saying there are very less and less things that we do that are selfless but with people you love, with people you like are you being selfless?Still a question mark? …. what do you say if in being selfish you happen to do something good to others? I say it is good to be SELFISH

You can explain love if you knew Economics :)

The views expressed may not be entirely what I believe but I shall go through the subject for just the fun of writing around a subject a lot of people are interested presently. By the end of your read a lot of people might think really awkward about me, others might feel that what I have told in parts are right but others are just for fun. There might be others who would just want to add points. All of you guys are welcome to enter your comments which would give me an idea about the readers. And henceforth I can make a better blog suiting all you people.

Where do we start? Hope you people have read my older blog about “unconditional love”if not do read it as it a small one and shall be a pre requisite for this one .. just kidding. click on the word -unconditional love

As always,everyone needs know my motivation of coming up with this blog and so the story..

From my college days have had a lot of friends,both girls and boys having their significant other. Being friend of all these people gave me an opportunity like none other to hear all their stories. Mind you I never ask for the stories I always like telling stories.
So I know at least from half a dozen people how the process of being love happened and how they went about informing their prospect. Why prospect? For obvious reasons!!! Not everyone hits the bull’s eye.

Now that I have called it a process I thought why I don’t apply all my knowledge about Economics and marketing and explain the process. Forgive me thy lord for using thee names…

Read this definition found in American Heritage Dictionary (1992):

A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

Sure that most of the American have read this definition and have internalized it. Just before I get to the economics of love I thought that the definition touches upon several complexities. Particularly daunting is the idea that love is indescribable.

Of all the basic emotions, love is the least clearly defined. Our conceptions of anger, fear, shame, grief, contempt, disgust, and joy may be fuzzy around the edges, but they are clear enough so that we can communicate about them. We feel we are able at least to distinguish between painful emotions, such as fear, grief and shame, and pleasurable ones, like interest, excitement, and joy.
Love as it is often perceived like a mystery, but it can be described I thought.

So the attempt.

So why economics and love? Ask those who have girl friends…Dating and Cash…both go together. Financial planning is what one of the guys who studies with us does ! Reason he has a family.
I searched for what economist had to say about love and marriage.

One Mr. Becker writes “A marriage market develop ‘shadow’ prices to guide participants to marriages that will maximize their expected well-being.”

Check out your Decision Modeling notes to know what a “Shadow price” means.. don’t ask me.

There is this guy Frank: “People with well-defined preferences act in purposeful ways to choose mates that best promote their material interests.”

What does a financial manager do before a project? Common guys everyone in BIM at least knows about those 50 problems in 3 hours.
No prizes for guessing – a simple cost benefit analysis (NPV)

Positive NPV i.e., the Market works!

This model is a creation of mine having read all these people. Getting into the “Theory of love”.

( Hey don’t be surprised to really find a paper called “Theory of love”. I just found on an msn website “theory of marriages” )

Love is a perpetual growth process. In Economics it’s learning over a horizon. Heard of the learning curve having an effect on production?

Thus love is
A process- life long learning process,
A dynamic process-changing

Having told it to be perpetual growth need to justify it. It grows with someone’s learning and personal growth (maturity).

I'll get more blunt with details. I'll draw a parallel between love and a firm.

You start a firm – Start up and here you start Dating.


Then you have a personal commitment, which in recent times is a rarity. Just in few days time that I have had some news which really supports what I meant. This is incorporation and Optimizing operation.

Termination of relationship (saddest part) by death or divorce like a firm being sold out or going in drains.

People, going concern concept doesn’t work for both the firm and love in reality. Now I know the concept is either a bogus or it is for a real eternal thing which can’t be seen.

I haven’t finished. Now actually starts the details of the theory.

First in an organization you conceptualize what u need to do?
So what does a guy do? Dream about the Barbie Doll !! “Ennakku oru girl friend venumada” In a company you should know what is your long term and short term goal? Heard of the Vision and Mission.

Second, prelimnary market analysis to be done for the concept. I won’t test your knowledge. The guy goes on a hunt!
Have you studied success stories ? or you have heard of the lyla majnu failure stories only and still want to venture ? What values you bring in to make it a success story for yourself? Competition????

Now that you know there is a market,you finally start your firm. What is the start up cost? When do you think you`ll break even? How much are you ready to sacrifice for today to see a better tomorrow? The guy starts courting a girl.
Corporate communication is so very important these days. How much and what to tell your girl? You remain somewhat mysterious - i remember this,one friend telling me. I don`t get it !! anyone to help me?

The company starts production and what happens over the years the efficiency comes down. Don’t you guys see what I mean. There are concepts of return to scale I think. Brush your fundamentals. Similarly as return diminishes in long run in a firm if not over hauled; in marriage through its stages of Engagement, marriage, honeymoon and children love starts to diminish.

Caution: not every firm finds it self in this cycle of lowering efficiency.

Diversification into new products also happens in some case – “grass is greener always….” This is not for all case. Doesn’t suit everyone. As especially in India with lot of hue and cry by the left parties about diversification. Oops! Its disinvestment.
Sorry got it wrong here.

Then the termination stage.

Having talked about the product design no one knows what the real product is? No one reveals it- a product is a well guarded secret for a firm to run.
But people who want to start up an Organisation what do they do? Insider information ?

Hey guys i realised... lot of us are Entrepreneur.. did i say us? Pardon me.

.
p.s: I am not always right. What I learnt in class also might not hold good everywhere. Remember the screw driver funda- just because you have the screw driver you can’t be using it everywhere.

Emotional Cycle :Need for a mathematical model

I had a wonderful day yesterday. I don`t know why but my energy level was so high. I had not done my Operations paper well. I have been boasting of Operations being my favorite subject and still didn’t do well because of my poor preparation. Was almost insulted when someone asked what I was doing when the whole portion needed just 3 hours of preparation. With all these things happening I was jumping and having fun. I had a good game of football. I was chatting with a lot of friends online. Was talking about my appa here to one of my friend. I was feeling so good yesterday and if someone wanted anything from me yesterday they would have got them real easily.

Every day is not a Sunday. I did my IBE exam well. Came back to my room and opened my computer. Just was browsing through. Played football like yesterday. Did everything almost like yesterday. But I feel put down. Not sure what is the reason!!! I have been thinking of the reason what was wrong today but things are still hazy. So thought I would speak to my Computer and here comes one more blog.

Emotional Cycle – have you guys heard of anything like this? I wanted to see if there was any study done about how humans feel and is there a cycle that can explain human feelings and emotions.

One article had this to says about emotional cycle

“the emotional rhythm or rhythm of the soul (Green line) which lasts exactly 4 weeks and, as its name implies effects our spiritual well being. It influences sensitivity, creativity, and mood and not in the least the desire to be close and exchange tenderness. In the first 14 days the basic mood will be positive; it will be easy to approach others, to spread harmony or to be creative. Once the curve crosses the middle line, the person will be unstable, feel out of balance and on edge. This can cause a person to do things without thinking, which is not easy for others to understand. In the second phase the disposition will be subdued with more depression and frustration, which can strain personal relationships.”

Don't cross the 'Green line'...Exactly 4 weeks cycle..believe me...thank god the basic mood stays ok for 50 percent of the time. My question is`nt answered by this article as well. The writer is not sure when middle line is crossed and when the second phase takes over. I surely don`t know if it was 24th mid night or 25th morning.

I have been taught to classify people according to what they think? SPSS –Statistical Package for the Social Sciences – that is the tool we use to classify people. Factor analysis, Discriminant analysis and Cluster analysis are techniques. Don`t I just love mentioning atleast these names !

If there is a model which can explain how humans feel at different point of time then he could be well prepared for that day.

I'll tell you the reason why I feel this is important. There is this one guy who is matured enough in my college. But somehow I guess he meets me at one of this Negative phase of the Emotional Curve and gets a lot of treatment from me. Poor chap for no reason of his gets perplexed with the kind of answer he gets for his queries. So if I was aware of my negative phase I would atleast stay away from people so that I don`t make other uncomfortable.

So is there a model that shall give me an idea of how I would be feeling tomorrow. External factors have a say on how you feel. There is no doubt about that. But how would you explain what had happened to me in a span of two days?

Like in finance you can’t diversify your systemic risk I am not bothered about my emotional balance being tilted by external factors those which are not in my control. All I am interested is in the my internal mechanism which makes me feel good or bad. That which can be diversified !!!!

There are other reasons why I should understand about my emotions.

By Understanding his emotions an Investor can decide whether to invest or sell his stocks. Don`t believe me see this..


I had my IBE exam which went well. But then I started feeling let down for no reason. I haven’t seen a problem today but I shall relate my bad feeling to a problem, that is there without me being conscious of it.

At times we go in conscious pursuit of something that is of great interest to us. This pursuit is not compatible with the attainment of the goal. What I mean is attainment after pursuit does not give joy every time. This contradiction arises because people face significant problems that cannot be solved by rational action. These problems sometimes require behavior that may later be contrary to their [self-] interest in order to solve them.
I know you people have started cursing me for talking of a non existing problem. Please read on….

Conclusion…. that people often do not act as predicted. The reason for irrational behavior (feeling affects behavior) is not always that people miscalculate. Not for every thing there can be a Causal Analysis. Emotion is often an important motive for irrational behavior, and being motivated by emotion is often an advantage.
If only someone could give a cause effect relation for changes in emotions Human Civilisation would take a big leap forward.

Modeling of Emotions is important. So what do we do?
A mathematical model ….with couple of differential equations, which qualitatively describes the emotions in an individual. The general goal is to show how dynamic the phenomenon is … anyone ready to assist??

I did understand decision modeling and simulation taught to me but that doesn’t mean I can come up with something as complex as this. Ok let’s leave things that are not feasible.

I had a google search for an image with the key word “Emotional Cycle” and I found a wonderful paper. People do mail me incase you want this paper. Or else I`ll leave the hyperlink here for you to see it for yourself.
Actually you can right click and save..it is a acrobat reader file. Takes time to load on Explorer. Understanding Emotional Energy Cycle


As I write this blog I hear this wonderful song, the lyrics really appeals to me…

Kisikhi muskuharahaton mein ho nisar…
Kisikha dhardu mil sakhe to le udhar
Kisikhe vasute ho tere dil mein pyar
Jeena iseekha naam hai

p.s: the views expressed are personal views of the author but he need not really agree with what he says ... and yeah I have got the subject for the next blog ..another interesting theme … What does Economics have to say about love?

art... expect that from a street artist

Here are two pics of an amazing piece of art.
Location: Tata Museum ,Jamshedpur .
In the first pic, you can see a painting. This was a gift to JRD Tata on his Birthday by a street artist. Nobody was able to understand his art. Unfortunately, only the painting was given to JRD and the artist had promised to reveal the secret shortly . However, JRD was no more when the secret was actually revealed .

there are somethings that are too good to be true...

You shall see something written on this but for now enjoy the picture...

clarification

I am really happy for the good response from all you people. And i need to clarify few things.

Nothing has happened to me of late. This blog just happened but I am happy this thing happened. Guess a lot of us talk these issues but putting on writing has kindled an interest.

NO.. veetla ponnu parkala. and I am not showing my resentment for that. :)

and for all you guys who are wondering who those girls in the picture are..

First is MADHUBALA.. the sketch.. because even my blog was just an attempt to sketch the "my kind of girl"

second is Chitrangada.. she acted in a film called Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi. God knows what her "Khwaishein" are.. But i have mentioned mine in my earlier blog. She has also featured in a lot of those ICICI ads as a someone who takes the customer call.

The third is NIDHI RAZDAN. Not sure of the surname now as she just got married. She is a News Anchor and Journalist in NDTV.

I have not taken any pictured of any model. Just thought these three somehow suited my subject "my kind of girl".

"my kind of girl" ?????

It was the year 2000 and my brother had got married. He was leaving for the United States with a couple of weeks available to spend with us. I was searching for a gift for both my Brother and my Bhabhi. First thing that struck me was a book that I got hold of when I was in my second year of college. Room 31 at Diamond hostel had five inmates unlike other rooms that had just four. The fifth roomy who joined us late because of Bosh`s recommendation was Samiran Chakraverti (Still not sure how chakraborti is spelt or pronounced).

Samiran was a voracious reader and I could see a gourmet of books when he stayed at our room. One such book that I had come across was “Men are from mars and women are from Venus”. The name was different so I picked it up to read. Though I don’t remember much of what I had read, it was written with the basic idea of woman and man being poles apart. It’s about relations and especially talks about the most complex one that a man and a woman shares. Two different individuals (physiologically and psychologically different) come together and commit to share their life. If only there is gods’ good will there are no hitches in the relation.

The reason this topic cropped up in my mind was because of the discussion in the train when I was returning from Trichy with few of my classmates. It was an unusual discussion. It was a nice experience though I had to share a story of mine as well. The thing that struck was not the story shared but the people behind it. I was taken aback at least a couple of times when my friend put me in a spot of embarrassment. But knowing the person it wasn’t new. I went on to tell my story and that was at least 5 years old.

If it is the story that you are thinking is in the paragraphs following then you are mistaken. Couple of days later Koushik my friend made attempts in vain to get at the story out several times.

Our choice for the kind of friend we want does change with time but we are the same person even with age. Having reached a B School people start thinking of getting placed and having a nice career. If you keep asking what next – love, marriage and family is definitely in most minds. What kind of girl or guy? Very few have an answer but I can bet that everyone has given a thought about the kind of person with whom they want to spend their life.

I have tried to find an answer myself. I can see the implications of writing such a think on my blog. But still I find this so very interesting that it can’t be left unattended. I am sure to get few comments from people especially my brother that if I am trying to look for my prospect. So the disclaimer -This one is in no way a public address system and no advertisement

One thing by writing down an answer I am trying to limit the attributes about my girl which is really not in my mind. A person can’t be definitely limited by few hundred words.s

I am not sure of the covert reasons for writing such a thing. The readers have the freedom to look for reasons for me to come out with this kind of write up. My HR Prof would definitely be not satisfied with the specifications I am trying to come out with after his Job Analysis class. A life partner is definitely not a Job applicant.

Most of the things I write I guess shall be on most of the guys’ wish list.

It is easy to think all men are attracted to some sort of universal ideal woman -- that one perfect model all women should strive to emulate.



I know that most of the time, I just want a friend.
Of course, it is a bonus if she is good-looking but mostly I just want my woman to understand me. Not everyone is born beautiful and I think everyone will appreciate the fact that once you know a person and start liking them they look more attractive than they normally do.

“Good shoes are important. The kind of shoes that the girls wear makes a huge difference and yes definitely the color matters. Guys like the pink color shoes"

Knowing me you should have thought what happened to this guy. I was just kidding. How the hell someone’s dressing going to matter. Yes there are certain things that are on the hate list of both men and women. No one likes someone who is stinking and dirty. People talk about clean nails and well kept hair. I haven’t so far tried to notice someone’s nail and the hair. But yeah I remember having shared an interest with one of my senior towards girls with long hair. I have heard from at least couple of classmates who have noticed badly kept hair in a girl and have names for her. Everyone wants to see their girl presentable to people.

Guys definitely like the girls who talk a lot. Very seldom you would see a guy talk for a long time if there is a girl in the vicinity. Clarity in communication I think rates highly among men. I don’t claim that all men clearly communicate and so expect clarity in communication. Men are easily confused with the mixed signals from the girl. Girls can be sure that they shall be asked for repeated confirmation from their male friends.

Opinionated girls are so attractive. (Not sure you use an adjective such as opinionated for a girl. One friend had told me girls are known for being genteel. Here I am expressing my opinion of woman being opinionated and so being attractive  )
Opinions and taking sides gives a sign of the woman’s individualism and her love for independence. The more the lady argues be sure that she can take care of herself really well. This is something I personally like. One more reason why generally guys look for girls who are opinionated is that it gives them more chance to flirt

I had got a SMS from my friend which classified woman into the categories how a man perceived her for different occasions. Men look at different attributes in different places and times. A friend, a partner for a discotheque, a girl friend, a life partner (to be introduced to one’s family) – all these have different images in a man’s mind.
May be a filmy example would do a lot of good. I shall help you people with both bollywood and kollywood examples. A friend – Rani Mukherjee, Jothika; a partner for disco – Kareena Kapoor, Trisha; A girl friend – Preity Zinta, Asin and finally the girl for your home – Kajol, Sneha.
Not sure I satisfied a lot of men, they might have other different stars in different roles but the attempt was to make how men think woman differently in different roles. I am also doubtful that many men see one perfect figure fitting all these roles. May be an ideal girl would fit into all these roles, I repeat ideal girl.

A girl respecting her parents find a special place. May be that Kajol in K3G or Sneha in Ey nee Azhaga irukka still in my mind. But again this doesn’t mean others take decision for her. A lady who is independent is most people’s choice. On one hand men like to open a door for a woman or help her with a heavy baggage – Men don’t think woman are weak if they let the men open the doors for them.

I think it is getting harder to write more about what is expected from a girl. I am really happy having written so much. I have been teased with the phrase “million dollar baby”. For I wish I could get married to a rich man’s daughter (A millionaire – We have been prescribed a US author book for finance which makes me think of the dollar return. So very particular that he is worth a million in dollar terms). I would then straight away become the CEO instead of waiting for a 15 year ritual. My kind of girl “Million dollar baby”???

Is it just a spark or do I see the light!!!

As I was thinking over the mundane things that a MBA graduate needs to do I see a message pop out of my screen

dear jc r u online

As I start to type a reply I get a call from my very close friend after a long time and I run to the balcony to attend the call. Teledensity in India has risen from 0.8 percent to 6% but still the network is in its primitive stage to support such a high growth. The only available choice with the customers is to run to their terrace or a big open space. We talked for a while and reassured each other to keep in touch!!

When I come back to my table I get to see the message

“suyam_awake: Dear JC, hope you remember Erode volunteers Sakthivel, Karthik, Senthil, Shiva they supported us in tsunami time and also joined with you for first trip I believe. They are going to conduct a fund raising cultural program on 28th of this month in Erode. Myself and Uma unable to attend the program. If you find time, please try, any information you require do let me know on this”

I think the readers very well know about SUYAM, the NGO I got associated last year. The message was typed by one of the trustees of Suyam, Muthuram anna. I think it is important that I now introduce the people I got to know when I was working with Suyam.

Uma: Any one who doesn’t know about suyam and its people would be amazed to find it being led by a frail, petite young lady. She is 29 years of age I think but you would mistake her for a 12th standard student. She is someone whom you can look up to for inspiration anytime. Believe it or not she holds ten graduation degrees. She is pursuing her Ph D and MS now. (Reiterating TEN DEGREES... I am in the process of acquiring my second degree and I'll be 25 this Feb.)

Muthuram: He is M.Com and he is pursuing his MS in social work. (Not sure what he studies but he has to keep himself up to the demand of Ms UMA). He is the think tank of Suyam. Though the organization runs itself committed to serve at any cost there needs to be a justification on the spending that it does. He has every time, every day at least 30 days bills and receipts to check and account to (don’t ask me how he gets so much bills accumulated)!! I have made a Journal for 70 entry for an assignment and believe me it’s not easy to even have the same motivation even as you reach the 30th entry. He does that time and again. Accountability he says is something really important to run an NGO.

There are other people I shall slowly introduce but you should be wondering who the other names are in the message that appeared above.

Sakthivel, Karthik, Senthil and Shiva...

They are engineering students studying in Erode. They were one among the 14 volunteers with whom I had left for Nagapattanam last dec 28th. They were in their second year.

Four young students hearing and seeing all those stories about tsunami boarded a bus to Chennai so that they could render their help. They had no contacts here in the city. One of them had the Chennai Mayor his neighbor sometime back. So they went to the corporation for guidance. They were appreciated for their effort to reach out but they were not shown direction. They registered with Oxfam, Red Cross and the theosophical society. There was a huge response for volunteers to help in the areas in and around the Chennai beach. They had come to know that Suyam was leaving for nagapattanam and straight registered them selves to leave for Nagai on 28th Dec.

While coming back from Nagai I could hear them out. Even as they had left for Chennai they had gathered students to collect Relief funds for the tsunami affected people. By Jan 1 st their friend in their college had collected about 10 lacks.
I was overawed by the dedication I saw in them.

Muthu anna had just informed that they are now conducting a cultural program to raise funds.

suyam_awake: Your yahoo pictures keep me cheerful. thanks. neenga seekirama MBA mudichi, velaikku senthu, panam sambarichu, suyam vari vazhanganum Ungalaipola thiramaiulla alunga, mattra younsgtersaiyum nalla vidhama seyalpada vaikkanum, idhu en anbu vendugol, sariya

Meaning – asking me to contribute to suyam the same way after I finish my graduation. And to guide more people to work for good.

I had to take a lot of time to type for this one thing. Otherwise anyone who had a chat online would say I type at least 5 sentences for their one word.

I don’t see why I can’t contribute. I should be able to, to the extent I can but the second request did me.

You learn about leadership, motivation, cooperation, collaboration and what not in your HR papers. But nothing comes to help when you want to gather support for a cause. The problem is to have the high level of motivation and commitment that Muthu anna and Uma akka have. It is easily said than done. You get the beating a lot of times. You may fall flat in front of people for you have little or no say in many issues.

A statement consoles me -
“Pick up something every time you fall” – saw that on Dimpi’s page sometime back.

We have been having a class which people attend for the fun they have hearing the faculty. I heard something wonderful from the same guy. He said “Entrust authority with people carrying a lot of responsibility” Though this can’t be a hard and fast rule on all occasions my point is society has to cultivate a system which would encourage people taking up responsibility.

My life objective as stated on my resume -

My life objective is to run a self sustainable organization that does social work in the field of education and health care successfully.

Why didn’t I start with an effort to start the organization straight from college? I didn’t see myself powerful enough!! May be I wanted to taste the cake first and then eat the spinach.

I saw myself able to contribute only after becoming powerful. There were very limited choices. There is one batch mate who sees himself in politics – one way he says to be able to contribute to people. I did give myself a thought but I knew I would fail miserably in politics. Both of us are right in our choices I think – he in his choosing and me rejecting the option. I with all my sincere thoughts had got 20 votes in the students’ council and he won with the highest of 89 of the 120 votes.

I chose MBA to grow faster and thus taste power sooner. Becoming powerful to contribute;till then I can keep helping suyam with little things.

I still remember a Sanskrit sloka taught to me in class 5

vidya dadati vinayam ,vinayat yati patratam,
patratwat dhanamapnoti,dhanat dharmam tataha sukham

Meaning - It is learning and knowledge that gives capability to earn, and earning the ability to do dharma for a noble cause and this result in gaining peace.

People talk about the script being written for life in the younger age. I hope and pray this is the one for me.

what if i got back my life to live over...

This New Year I had people ask me if I had any new resolutions and I tell them the ever heard quote that resolutions are made to be broken. But it is not just New Year that we think of doing something different (resolve) but always when we are through a rough patch. Every time I find myself making a mistake I try to contemplate how differently I should have done things so that I would have been happier with what has happened!!

There are very few people to whom I have spoken of contemplation and looking with ones own self but many a times I have spoken to myself. I wasn’t this way till the year 2000. I would want people always around me and was never comfortable to spend time with myself. But I just think how many times I like to walk alone on the road, take a drive to Beasant Nagar Beach alone or even watch a movie alone that has got some good reviews.

During one such speaking to self exercise I started thinking what I would do differently if I had my life to live over again.

IF I had my life to live over again I’ll do more mistakes. I’ll be sillier than I have been. May be I’ll regret those mistakes but would never feel guilty for having committed those mistakes. I would take lesser things very seriously. I would laugh and cry more. I would express love and affection without fear. I will thank everyone who bring about a change in my life. Surely wouldn’t have left my father take his own sweet time in taking care of his health.

I’ll play with more children and hear to more old people. I’ll smile at everyone I see. I’ll tell more people that I like them. I'll care less about what people think about me and accept me the way I am. I’ll be bolder in taking decisions. I’ll meet trouble on the ground than just think of it. I would travel more, climb more mountains and see more seas. I would give more time to the moon and sunsets. I would learn at least two musical instruments. I would sing in public without thinking of what the audience would say. I would feel sad but never depressed. I would get annoyed but not angry. I would shout at people but never carry any grudges. I would as informal as I can be. Shall eat more sweets and ice cream than having to think of how much I’ll weigh!!

I’ll not study engineering but shall like to graduate from an Institution as diverse like REC. I would make more friends and like to touch their life every moment of my life in someway or the other. I would learn things for just learning sake and not look for what comes along with learning.

I have been a person who has lived life cautiously for quite sometime. I have had my own nice moments and no complains for what has happened. But living free is in itself is like being in heaven. No additional baggage and you travel light.

Communication Engineering !!! Engineering Communication ??

I have been proud of myself last couple of months and at times amazed with my new interest to study. Just that I am doing something totally new for the first time. I have started to like studying. Never before in life have I learnt a subject for the Learning sake. Having got engrossed in something new these couple of months I have lost something which I used to be good at.

I have always liked myself crowded with people I know. In that way after my four years of college I have tried to be in touch with almost everyone I know - close and not so close. Means of communication being plenty it has been so easy to alteast keep informed about people- Yahoo groups, the messenger the old yahoo`s and the new google talk, and the very common means by a call over the cell.

The new orcut - I call it the lost and found place. So many people to be in touch with and it is natural to miss a couple of people. One such guy was Girish I had come to talk to because of Orcut. For people who don’t know Girish he was my senior at college. And guess what it is full four and half years after which I had a message from him on Orcut. Then his voice on google talk. Just the same OYYA as we used to call him after seeing KAADHAL MANNANs vivek. May be we’ll have a meet in Chennai this time when he comes back from US.

DOT "raghavan praveen" just popped in on my screen a couple of days back after a sabbatical. He is in Chennai with a short break from PhD. And I remember how communication helped us both in making a difference by contributing to a reconstruction of a school at Nagai.

My Anna sending in pictures of Aswin my nephew in days of being born, then me mailing new year wishes to my friends and their prompt replies wouldn’t have been possible without the facility available to us today.

Yesterday and today I have been proudly showing my big photo albums to people here at BIM and telling my stories with each of those pictures. I am sure for people around me some might even be bored of the story but I haven’t been bored of those stories having told them more than a hundred times. I am not sure; there might be even some who would tell the same stories better than me having heard me for quiet sometime. I have a soar throat actually telling Thyagu, Nandini and IM those stories. I know for sure that this story telling will be part of the bed time story telling to my kids.

The point is the people I have come across have left an impression that shall stay for a really really long time. Not that the new ones I meet haven’t made any difference but do we really express about people who stand in front. May be I’ll tell a story of these people to someone else. All these people I have met have been so different in their own right.

There are a billion people and a billion attitudes and each one is so unique

I had called Goutham the other day to wish him for the New Year.
He had called me yesterday.We talked in length about different length. Just before he had called I was chatting with another friend of mine Sujeevana and was mentioning about him. Just that it is nice to have people around you feel really good. And it feels even better that you remember someone and they call you. It has happened not once but thrice last two days.
Now after my stories about the photo album I get two mails about people I talked in length.

One of my New Year resolutions is to revive my contacts. I was telling Goutham that it had become a ritual calling my friends even the dear ones. The last time I called him was on his Birthday. I had called others was during Diwali. I feel it is really artificial about talking to them on just some occasion. So I have decided I better mail them about things regularly and keep them informed. All this said and done I shall do with no intension of getting a reply for different reasons. :)

I am a communication Engineer from REC. Engineering communication is what I learnt from REC and not Communication Engineering!!!

Now when I am doing MBA I get to hear

" Whether having contacts is important for an MBA".

If people see the advantage behind the act of being in contact as the only motivation so be it. I think we learn much more than anything being with people. Engineering Communication!!