Parenting....

Thinking what i have to do with parenting...its not me but i felt its a new experience to anyone who is having a child and I wanted to show how much my parents meant to me!!

Just the other day when I was leaving with Shankar my cousin for ANNIYAN a Tamil movie Shankar asked me " Where did you get the money for the tickets". The ticket for anniyan was costly(Rs.125 for one) than normal and for Shankar it was new to spend so much. He is doing his first year engineering at a private college. At his house, i.e. at my uncles they spend money like water in Chennai. He is not allowed to see movies usually. With both parents working and loans to be paid they have made their children realize the importance of spending money. So when Shankar asked me the question it didn’t surprise me but I was happy he asked me. His parents want him to do well in life and they have instilled the values they believe would take him to places.

For long time I have been thinking what is so different in the middle class families and the values attached to them. I can be proud of so many things that my parents did to me and my brother. We would have been totally different from what we are if weren’t from a middle class family. My parents valued giving us good education and they really believed good education was the only way for climbing up the economic ladder. The parents from middle class I believe have dreams for their children, those dreams they couldn’t realize in their life.
I don’t remember a single parents teachers meet not attended by my Appa(father). He made a point to be there when my results for my SSLC(X std) and my HSC (XII std) came out. I was surprised on both the occasions as I left for the school for seeing the results, he came following me to school without giving me any added pressure of his anxiety over my results !!! I have always found my father as someone to be followed for things he believed. His dedication amazed me when it came to help people. He would go out of his way helping out people. I have seen on so many occasions like working for the All India union for engineering technicians at Indian airlines, or for welfare societies for Ex servicemen. Among his friends he would be someone to be consulted on important decisions and disputes. He valued his friends. After a certain age he treated my brother and me as equals. All he would do is suggest things but never would interfere. When I was a kid he maintained a strict image of his but he was as sweet as anyone could be.

My Amma(mother) was different but she stood for what she believed. One thing that really amazed me was when my father was suffering from cancer and counting his last days. I never believed Amma was so strong to digest what was happening to Appa. She was mature in handling the situation. I can remember a lot of instances when she would correct me for those things that she thought was wrong. I remember once when I was about 10 she has asked me to buy some beetle leaf for some guest at home. The shopkeeper gave me just 4 leaves for 25 paisa. And I brought them home after eating the stalk of the leaves. I gave Amma those leaves and she couldn’t control her temper. She wasn’t angry because I ate those beetle leaves stalks but that I was ignorant of how much those 25 paisa was worthy of. So she took me to the shop and argued with the shopkeeper and got a dozen more leaves. She taught me to value each penny that day.

I did my primary schooling at Kendriya Vidyalaya Meenambackkam. The school fees then was a meager Rs 5/- per month compared to a few thousand today. We had to pay our fees every three months and I lost Rs 15, the fees for three months once. I came back home fearing the scolding from amma and appa. Nothing of that sort happened. All that they did was to make me realize was what I did was of carelessness and made sure I wouldn’t do it again.
In those days while my brother and I were at school there were very few occasions when all four of us(me, my brother amma and appa) would go out. Unlike nowadays when families have a weekly outing we would go out to shop for either pongal or diwali. And on every single outing we would see our parents arguing. It is just like a project manager and the financial controller arguing over a project. The former being my Appa and the latter my Amma.
I still argue with my amma like my father would do when she goes to buy some vegetables. She would be happy to leave the shop only when she is given those free coriander and curry leaves. ha ha ha !! she still does !

Times have really changed. You can hardly find a school student without a cell phone. Even a couple of years ago when I was at college their were just one or two cell phones in my whole batch of 500 students. There are more families in India which would be in the upper middle class segment with both parents working in the booming IT industry. Children are even given credit cards for their expense. But even with all these I think the school children now aren’t as independent as we were. They leave their home to board a school bus that takes them to school and back. I remember those days when I would take the train to school. The rush hours when each of the bogie would be full, the train strikes, a ticket collector in the platform with a invalid ticket in hand were situations I had to handle when I was just entering my teens.

A few days back my friend from school who had a very early marriage called me. He told me his wife delivered a baby girl and he needs to name her starting with A,C or L. I wanted to help and did my bit in searching the internet for good meaningful names. I was so amazed to see so many websites which would give all kinds of names – mythological names, names of god and goddesses, names in Sanskrit with their meaning, Hindu names, Muslim names and what not. Parenting starts from the day the child is born. Naming a child becomes so important as it sets the identity of the child for rest of the life.

My amma even now when I am 24 doesn’t take anything granted for me. She does her bit in everything concerned with me. Be it choosing cloths for me, the food I eat or things I want to do in life. She is concerned even if I skip a glass of milk. Some times I tell her to leave it to me to look after myself but I know she never can ignore anything that I to do with her children.

I now know Parenting is not easy at all. Children at any age are a challenge to handle !! aren’t they- babies are a challenge, you never know what they want from you. A small kid is a difficult child because he wants everything that he sees. A teen can really get very inquisitive and pose the most difficult questions. A adolescent child and a young adult are difficult as well.

Parenting is a responsibility, a challenge which starts with the child’s birth and can never end.

My Anna (brother) and Anni ( bhabhi-sister in law) would be soon parents. Good luck to them.
Parenting ! Phew!